I’ve become a living apology, I am sorry
I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.
Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder. To search for the truth.
I was going to cry. I didn’t know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I’d cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full.
when I asked why we are always on different pages,
why we can’t ever get it right at the same time
he said because we are like a comet
that comes by every six years.
when I asked why he put his arm around me
he said because it was comfortable,
because I looked cold.
when I asked why he kissed me in my bed
he said he was acting out of lust.
when I asked why he whispered the sweetest words I’ve ever heard
he said he was just confused.
when I asked why it wasn’t me
he said because it was her.
when he asked why I still want to stick around, why I don’t hate him.
I said because you are my best friend,
the only person I share my chocolates with,
the only person I let have the last sip of my strawberry milkshake.
but what I really wanted to say was
because I am falling in love with you, you idiot.
so deeply fucking in love with you.